What a strange time in our world. A pandemic sweeping the nation and our world, accompanied by a piece of shit cop that kneeled on a mans neck for over 8 minutes and in the end, ending that mans life. Both these things have been dividing our country. Truthfully I've never seen it so divided. I've seen so many people show their asses, people i've always expected to be narrow minded, small, and straight up ignorant....... have floated to the top of the toilet bowl, I can see them and now they can be flushed. You care more about a haircut or the beach being closed than a virus that could kill members of your family or the way we treat the black folks in our country. Tell me that "george floyd wasn't really a good man" or "blacks kill more blacks everyday than cops kill blacks" then tell me " cops kill more whites than blacks"........ without ever searching the population of whites to blacks, without ever thinking of a system that was designed to help keep the black race down.
As a white man that moved to an all black neighborhood as a young man I was stopped by the cops from time to time, "are you lost" "do you need a ride home"...... No I'm good I live here. An odd look and they drove away. Now reverse that situation. I'm a black man in an all white neighborhood, the cops would pull up and I'd either end up in handcuffs, in the trunk, and/or as we've been shown a pretty good chance i'd end up dead.
I've seen evil in all men, all colors. The man the pointed a gun to my head was black, the bouncer the strangled me outside a bar was black, when I got jumped on the sidewalk of Oakland at 13 the boy was black........ And I think this, If there is no value put on your life, what have you got to lose? If no one really cares for you, why follow the rules. This country has shit on black folks for so long it had to pop. When i rode cross country there was no problems from people, any bar we walked in people wanted to talk, buy us beer, offer us a yard to crash in. I know that would never work that way for a group of black men. So that's my point.......it's just obvious. I hate most of all ignorance, and god damn there is a lot of it, from all races. But i'm the guy that believes if we just tried harder to even things out and try harder to help and show love the world wold become a much better place. I'm not seeking for some utopia, no one needs to take your guns, no one needs to tell a woman wether she can or can't have a baby. If you're a republican or democrat..... who fucking cares. But wake the fuck up, we have a child for a president, a bully who actually calls people names, the president of our country, calls people shitty names, racist names, shames them, and makes fun of people for being different.
Well maybe I've done that too...... but guess what!!! I'm not president of the USA. Be a fucking example, bring us together.
I've had a tough couple years, my bother, Jake, My Dog..... fuck it's been rough. Not comparing to others that have it so much worse, but for me, it's been a struggle. Gradually I'm losing friends too, either based on my opinions, politics, or just that they can't handle my emotions and that's a drag, it's odd that maybe they can't see how it's been and support rather than bounce off. I've always needed my space, some people are not prepared for that, I'm not a hand holder, but I'll tell you this, I'll be there for you when the chips are down, or you need an ear. Who you think I am, or what you've come up with that defines me is probably wrong. I've seen people want me to be "cooler", party harder,
or even like them more, and that's probably where it went wrong. I'm a shitty capitalist, but I'm not a fool, I see whats happening, it's all for sale, and really i don't want to be a big part of it. What have i ever asked you for?? VS. what have you shared with me? My problem is I've always put it all out there..... and it got taken. If i'm too emotional, does that mean i just care more? I really don't know.
Maybe the sunset looks better to me, or the evening light in my shop, or Taj's smile. That's my fucking heart. I keep thinking of this line in a john Prine song it goes:
"Wondering just exactly how
how much more they think a man can take"
a few years back